Why Are Animals so Funny?

I read once that in order for something to be humorous, it had to in some way resemble a human. I have yet to find an exception to this rule.

The Scene

I just received Scene, the quarterly magazine from LA's Music Center, and it's brimming with great stuff.

First off, FREE events:

At the Music Center:

09/05 and 09/19 Dance Downtown offers complimentary beginner dance lessons in Argentine Tango and Disco, respectively, as well as DJ/Live Music. 6:30pm to 10:00pm.

09/20 A Taste of Dance has $1 dance lessons from all over the world. 11am to 4pm.

09/28 Grand Avenue Festival features drum circles, flute choirs, a saxophone ensemble, art, music, entertainment and food. 11am to 5pm.

At Walt Disney Concert Hall:
(Arrive an hour early to get your free tickets - 11am and 12:30pm shows)

9/20 A Celebration of Armenian Arts with lyrical music and folk dancing. Arrive an hour early to get your free tickets.

10/11 Los Llaneros Ballet Folclorico do Brasil offers haunting melodies accompanying athletic Capoeira dances.

11/08 Kevin Locke Native Dance Ensemble celebrates Native American culture with hoop dancing, flute playing, story telling and more.

Clear your calendars! The Dave Brubeck Quartet is coming to town. I'd love to see them, but the cheapest seats are $36. And Sergei and I are cheap-asses. We usually prefer tickets in the $23 range. But, we might have to splurge for this occaission...


Some new edgy performances at RedCat:

10/09-10/12 Elevator Repair Service : In The Sound and The Fury: April Seventh, 1928 ERS takes on the opening section of Faulkner's most acclaimed novel. Director John Collins and the 12-member troupe fully embrace Faulkner’s free-flowing language and his radically fractured, multilayered narrative technique. I can't wait to see their interpretation of stream of conciousness! (God I'm a nerd).

11/29-12/01Degenerate Art Ensemble: In Cuckoo Crow the six-member ensemble uses frantic avant-garde music blended seamlessly with inventive Butoh-inspired movement and intense physical theater to invoke a fantastical landscape of dark poetry and offbeat humor as it stages the mythical resurrection of a fallen baby crow—whose egg had been pushed out of its nest by a pair of cuckoo hatchlings.

Phil the House, a free LA Phil Harmonic community concert at the Walt Disney Concert Hall on 09/25, 09/26, and 09/27. Call (323)850-2000 for your free tickets.

10/31 A Showing of a silent version of the Phantom of the Opera accompanied by Clark Wilson on the Organ. And what a fine organ it is.




And as far as their fine organ goes, Chelsea Chen's recital on 11/23 features the music of six composers plus her own orginal score, Taiwan Tableaux, 7:30pm.

Some plays at the newly remodeled Mark Taper Forum:

08/29-10/19 The House of Blue Leaves, a heartbreakingly human comedy that explores the lengths people will go in pursuit of the American Dream.

10/30-12/17 The School of Night an historical mystery thriller where William Shakespeare, Thomas Kyd, Sir Walter Raleigh and nearly everyone else are suspects and everyone has a hidden agenda.

Next May: Uncle Vanya by Anton Chekhov.

Next fall: The Lieutenant of Inishmore of which the NY Daily News says, "If Monty Python had ever tackled the issue of Irish terrorism, they might have created something as wild, as brilliant and as weirdly exhilarating as The Lieutenant of Inishmore."

And next December: Palestine, New Mexico. A production by Culture Class. Need I say more?

And, at the superbly small venue of the Kirk Douglas Theatre:

9/21-10/26 This beautiful City, I simply cannot wait. The play, complete with Music by the composer of Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson (excellent, excellent musical!), tackles the fervor behind the Evangelical movement, the effect its growth had on its unofficial U.S. capital, Colorado Springs, and the confusion of a community in crisis following the scandalous fall of pastor Ted Haggard. Sounds so great.

Next May: Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo is an eerily surreal and darkly humorous play about the madness of life in war and what it means to be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Next summer: Heddatron, HALF A DOZEN ROBOTS. LIVE ONSTAGE. REALLY. And a quirky plot that is sure to be a unique theatrical experience at least.

I've seen a few good things at the Ahmanson, such as Edward Scissorhands, but they are usually large and mainstream productions. That is not bad, but I find that I oft prefer the whimsical, the eccentric, the undiscovered, and the intimate when it comes to live theater. Still, a couple worthy mentions:

Next March: Frost/Nixon, an historical play that tackles the question: How did David Frost, a famous British talk show host with a playboy reputation, elicit the apology that the rest of the world was waiting to hear from former President Richard Nixon?

Next April: Ain't Misbehavin' is a rollicking, finger-snapping, toe-tapping, Tony Award®-winning musical revue — a tribute to the black entertainers of the early 1900’s that centers on the music of one of the most prolific musicians of the time, Thomas “Fats” Waller.

Now, the LA Opera's new season is about to be underway. I have tickets to every opera but one (from the Recovered Voices series) and I will report back to you on just how splendid (and yes, beautiful) each production is. I recommend you cruise on over to LA Opera's site this instant and secure yourself some tickets because these opera's are not to be missed. We start with Woody Allen directing Puccini's Il Trittico, three one act operas, and swiftly move on to a brand new production and the US's premier of The Fly (yes, like the cult sci-fi film), and then right on to another Puccini, then glorious Bizet, then Mozart, and then some Wagner and finally Verdi. I just can't wait.

Words of the Day

Here are some great words I found in my current novel, the mystery A Pale Blue Eye.

Tintinnabulation (noun) the ringing or sound of bells.

Semaphoring (verb) a system of signaling, esp. a system by which a special flag is held in each hand and various positions of the arms indicate specific letters, numbers, etc.

Pulchritudinous (adjective) physically beautiful; comely.

I love good words. Takes me back to studying for the SATs...

Six Feet Under

At the finale of my favorite TV show ever, HBO's Six Feet Under, I felt sad, like I had lost some good friends. You know, like the melancholy feeling you get when you finish a great book. I've never been so attached to TV characters, but they all had so many layers, and they were so flawed and human. I couldn't help but identify with them all.

Here is my very favorite scene. It comes from Season 1, Episode 13 when a client asks Nate why people have to die and he thoughtfully explains that it is "to make life important."

TRACY sits at a table. She's been crying a long time. NATE sits beside her.

Nate: May I have a seat?

Tracy: (crying) My aunt Lillian was the only person who ever really loved me. My parents didn't. My husband certainly didn't. And now she's dead. Her husband died, and her daughter died too, in a car crash on her 17th birthday. But Aunt Lillian just went on. She raised Welsh Corgies, and she took up water colors, and she loved me, and now she's dead! I've never felt this alone in the world, and I'm used to feeling alone. I know what that's like, and now I find out that there's this whole new level. (she stares at NATE and NATE stares back, encouraging her to go on) Why do people have to die?

There's a long pause. Then...

Nate: To make life important. None of us know how long we've got, which is why we have to make each day matter, and it sounds like your aunt Lillian did exactly that.

Tracy: Yes, she did.

Nate: Then you can be happy for her-- for a life well-lived. That's the most any of us can hope for. (tears up as well)

I visited the Six Feet Under house yesterday and it was like my hajj to Mecca, you know? It made me want to re-watch the entire series again.

Look, there's me on the front steps!!



And here are a few of my favorite clips...

What a Little Moonlight Can Do

My Favorite Opening Sequence

Nate Just Wants to Celebrate

Compilation of Death Sequences

Compilation of Dream Sequences

Season 5 Promo

Saber Tooth Cats, Mastadons and Dire Wolves Oh My

..And ground sloths and short faced bears and camels and lions and ....

That's right, all this and more at the George C. Page Museum at the La Brea Tar Pits. I visited when I was a kid but hadn't been back since. It was really interesting and I learned a lot.

For example, La Brea has produced more ice age fossils (dating from 38,000 to 8,000 BCE) than any other site in the world with three million bones representing over 600 species. In fact, many fossils at museums the world over come from our very own tar pits.

If you live in the LA area or are thinking about visiting, I highly recommend devoting an afternoon to exploring the hundreds of fossil skeletons on display dating from the last ice age as well as an active tar pit excavation site. There are also four other neat museums within three miles (hence the name, museum row).

Dinner and a Drive-In Movie

Last night Sergei and I went on a date. We had dinner at Islands (Sergei's favorite cheddar fries) and then went to Mission Tiki Drive-In Theater to see Step Brothers (hilarious) and Pineapple Express (pretty funny). Sergei had never been to a drive-in before, and he made the observation that Americans like to live in their cars. Perhaps. Anyway, it was great fun and I think we might do it more often.

My brother had seen both movies and recommended seeing Step Brothers first because, although he thought it was funny, he thought we wouldn't laugh as much after seeing Pineapple Express. He said Pineapple was at the top of his funniest movies list. To be honest, we laughed a lot at Step Bros but didn't quite connect with Pineapple the same way. Sergei and I, perhaps because we've never been stoners, just didn't find all the antics in Pineapple that funny. There were definitely laugh out loud funny parts, but for the most part it just didn't do it for us.

The best part of Step Brothers was Mary Steenburgen's character as Will Ferrell's mom. She talked to Ferrell and John C. Reilly liked they were little children and it was hilarious. Of course, Ferrell and Reilly were great too, and if you enjoy their humor you will probably like the film. Plus, Mary Steenburgen got an honorary degree from my little Alma Mater! Check it out.

If You Want a Friend...

This is for a friend of mine who just rescued a beagle named Snoopy. I heard this clip when it originally aired 2 years ago, and though I generally don't care too much about Martini Shot (a show about show business) this one really stuck with me. It's quite nice, especially to hear Rob Long deliver it. Click on the link below to listen.

This is Rob Long with Martini Shot on KCRW.

There---s an old saying in politics:-- if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.-- Well, it---s often been said that Hollywood and Washington are similar, and that politics is just show business for ugly people,-- so in 1994, when I wanted a friend in Hollywood, I got a dog.

My friends Jen and Dave rescued a pregnant dog --- she was gorgeous and had one blue eye --- and the dog gave birth to nine puppies, and I got the one that was smart and brown and had a red nose.-- He looked like a cigar, so I called him Cohiba.-- And he was proud and poised and liked to sit in a Sphinx-like pose, with one paw tucked under.

One day we were zig-zagging our way home --- he was maybe 9 months old --- and my neighbors Harry and Judith drove by, stopped the car, and fell in love with him.-- Were there any other puppies, they wanted to know.

Just one, I said.-- And so Cohiba---s littermate --- they named him Victor --- moved in two doors down.--

Now,-- when you walk a dog, or let puppies play together, you get to know someone pretty well.-- Twice a day Harry or Judith or sometimes both of them and I would get together and let the dogs go wild on the grass, and we---d talk --- about people and politics and events and ourselves.-- If you want a friend in Hollywood, get a dog.

My friend Tim had a black Lab who loved the beach, and so one day he called me up and we drove up to El Matador --- back when you could---skirt---the leash laws --- and let our dogs run on the sand and chase birds and dive after tennis balls, get wet and muddy and totally exhausted.-- And when you drive up to Malibu with someone and watch two dogs run free, you get to know someone pretty well.--

So that---s Jen and Dave and Harry and Judith and Tim and his family---.all from one dog.-- Well, you know what they say about wanting a friend.

Here---s what we all say about dogs -- "Oh!-- They give us unconditional love!-- They just love us for us! But is that true?-- In the first place, what would it even mean to a dog to have "conditions" on love?-- I mean, what would those conditions even be?-- No, I think what we're trying to say is, we give THEM unconditional love, or come awfully close to it.-- Closer than we do with the people in our lives -- the ones we're really supposed to love without condition or strings or projection or expectation -- and for a brief moment we know what it's like to love something freely and then it's gone and we're stuck with our complicated, tied-up selves and wishing that we could see for just one last time the way that dog looked at us when we were at the beach, with a tennis ball in our hand.

But of course what we really should be remembering is the way we looked at the dog.

Cohiba died three weeks ago today.-- The friends I made through him and because of him have helped me enormously and this can be a lonely place to live and a very lonely business, but it---s like he provided his own first aid kit.-- When he left me, he left me heartbroken.-- But grateful.-- Because he left me lonely.-- But not alone.

That---s it for this week.-- Apologies for getting---.you know.-- Next week, back to business.-- For KCRW, this is Rob Long with Martini Shot.

I Heard it on WWDTM

A perfect weekend always starts out with Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! and hot, home cooked breakfast...

"Actually, here's the thing that's amazing. Everyone was like, 'oh yeah, Michael Phelps,' and then the story came out about how much he eats--"

"--He eats a lot, 12,000 calories a day--"

"--And all of the sudden everybody's like 'I wanna be like Mike.' Actually people are already like, 'I already am like Mike.'"

"No, we don't have an obesity crisis, we have a swimming crisis in America."

"We're not swimming enough."

"Do ten laps and get a blooming onion. That's the answer."

--Peter Sagal and Mo Rocco on WWDTM, Saturday August 16, 2008

Original photo caption: “U.S. President George W. Bush playfully pats the backside of U.S. Women's Beach Volleyball team player Misty May-Treanor (L) at her invitation while visiting the Chaoyang Park Beach Volleyball Grounds at the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing, China, August 9, 2008. Team mate Kerri Walsh (R) watches.”

Corrected caption, eight minutes later: “ATTENTION EDITORS - CAPTION CLARIFICATION U.S. President George W. Bush playfully pats the back of U.S. Women's Beach Volleyball team player Misty May-Treanor (L) at her invitation while visiting the Chaoyang Park Beach Volleyball Grounds at the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing, China, August 9, 2008. Teammate Kerri Walsh (R) watches.”

That English language can be tricky, can't it? "Back" and "backside" are so similar but seem to have completely different connotations.

-- Andrew Malcolm

And miniature cows? Really? I'm gonna have to double check this with my people in Arkansas.... Oh my goodness, they even make panda cows. I think I need a farm. Cute little pets you can eat. Sweet.


And of course,

Woman, 90, fulfils 'thong' wish

A 90-year-old woman saw her dreams come true when she was served fish and chips by a man dressed only in a thong and a see-through apron.

Now, that is my kind of old lady. Just kidding. That's sick. My waiter would be wearing leather chaps. But seriously, the whole story is pretty bizarre. I mean, fish and chips? I wonder if that was just the special of the day, or if it was actually her first choice?


Lastly, Isaac Hayes, the man who sang "Shaft" and lent his mellow baritone to South Park's Chef, died Sunday at his home in Memphis, Tennessee. He was 65. Here is "Shaft," interpreted through dance by three young men. No homo.

KCRW, my NPR station

I've answered phones at KCRW's semi-annual phone drive faithfully since I moved back to California. Until this summer that is. I was signed up to volunteer yesterday, but due to divers factors including my recent trip to Arkansas, my tutoring schedule and a new job I was not able to make it. To make amends I want to plug KCRW here, since they are my very favorite channel ever.

Oh KCRW, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

1. I was first sold on KCRW because they are an NPR station. I trust NPR more than any other news source, but I also love the way they deliver their news. Their reporting style is so rich that it makes keeping up with current events rewarding. Just give 'em a listen, you'll know what I mean.

2. They produce some awesome news programs. Which Way L.A.? may not be interesting to someone outside southern California, but To the Point, also by Warren Olney and Left, Right and Center are applicable to any region of the world.

3. They also air programs from PRI, American Public Media and the BBC.

4. No commercials. Commercials irritate me to no end. Especially radio commercials.

5. Their music. From indie rock to ambient beats they have the newest, the rarest and the best. I've discovered many of my favorite bands by listening to KCRW's many music programs (Pink Martini, Carmen Rizzo, Wendy McNeil, etc.)

6. Martini Shot. It once nearly made me cry. I think I may have even shed a little tear.

7. Did I already say no commercials?

8. They have terrific member benefits from free tickets to discounts at hundreds of cool places in LA and OC. Yea free stuff!

9. Michael Silverblatt's Bookworm helps me find new stuff to read (not that I need help...)

10. They do really neat spoken word productions of short stories and plays, such as Ten by Maugham.

Consider supporting KCRW, especially if you listen to them. Click here to donate online. Or you can call 1-800-600-KCRW.

Yum Yum

Sergei and I had peaches from our tree and beans from our garden last night and they were like a little slice of heaven. We also had stuffed papers and lime cilantro risotto. Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure, and if looking is not enough for you, the recipes are down there too.

(As you can see from the picture, the beans turn green when they are cooked.)


Cilantro Lime Risotto

Serves 4 Prep Time: 35 minutes Total Time: 35 minutes

2 cans (14.5 oz each) reduced sodium chicken broth
4 TBSP butter
1 medium onion, minced
coarse salt and ground pepper
1 cup Arborio rice
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/3 cup lime juice
1 cup cilantro, chopped

1/2 cup grated Parmesan

1. In a sauce pan, combine broth with 1 cup water. Bring to a boil; reduce heat and keep at a bare simmer.

2. In a large saucepan, heat 2 tablespoons butter over medium. Add onion; season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is softened, 4 to 5 minutes. Add rice, and cook, stirring frequently, 2 minutes. Add wine, and cook, stirring occasionally, until absorbed, 1 to 2 minutes.

3. Add 2 cups hot broth; simmer over medium-low, stirring occasionally, until mostly absorbed, 10 to 12 minutes. Continue adding broth, 1 cup at a time, allowing each to be absorbed before adding the next, stirring occasionally, until rice is creamy and just tender, 20 to 25 minutes total (you may not need all the broth).

4. Remove from heat. Stir in Parmesan, lime juice, cilantro and remaining 2 tablespoons butter; season with salt and pepper.


Stuffed Poblanos

Serves 4 Prep Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 1 1/2 hours

1 can (28 oz) whole tomatoes in puree
1 jalapeno chile, minced
2 small onions, chopped
3 garlic cloves (2 whole, 1 minced)
coarse salt and ground pepper
1 can (19 oz) black beans, rinsed and drained
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
1 cup shredded pepper jack cheese
1 tsp cumin
4 large poblano chiles, halved lengthwise, ribs and seeds removed

1. Preheat oven to 425F. In a blender, combine tomatoes in puree, jalapeno, helf the onions, and 2 whole garlic cloves; puree. Season with salt. Pour sauce into a 9-by-13-inch baking dish; set aside.

2. In a medium bowl, combine beans, cornmeal, 1/2 cup cheese, remaining onions, minced garlic, cumin and 3/4 cup water; season with salt and pepper.

3. Dividing evenly, stuff poblano halves with bean mixture; place on top of sauce in baking dish. Sprinkle poblanos with remaining 1/2 cup of cheese; cover baking dish tightly with aluminum foil.

4. Bake until poblanos are tender, about 45 minutes. Uncover, and continue to cook until sauce is thickened slightly and cheese is browned, 10 to 15 more. Let cool 10 minutes and serve.


Vanilla Roasted Peaches with Raspberries

Serves 4 Prep Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 35 minutes

2 TBSP unsalted butter, melted
2 TBSP fresh lemon juice
1 vanilla bean (or 1 tsp pure vanilla extract)
4 firm ripe peaches (1 to 1 1/2 pounds total) halved and pitted
1 package raspberries
vanilla ice cream

1. Preheat oven to 400F. In a large, shallow baking dish, combine butter, lemon juice, sugar and vanilla bean (seeds and pod). Add peaches, and turn to coat with butter mixture; arrange, cut side down, in a single layer.

2. Roast until peaches are tender and cooking liquid is syrupy, 15 to 25 minutes, brushing with cooking liquid halfway through. Serve peaches warm with ice cream and raspberries; drizzle with cooking liquid.

Bon Apetit!

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

In the light of the moon a little egg lay on a leaf. One Sunday morning the warm sun came up and-pop!-out of the egg came a tiny and very hungry caterpillar. He started to look for some food. On Monday he ate through one apple. But he was still hungry. He started to look for some food. On Tuesday he ate through two pears. But he was still hungry. He started to look for some food. On Wednesday he ate through three plums. But he was still hungry. He started to look for some food.

Which naturally brings us to Thursday.

While I recognize that biodiversity is important to the ecological well being of my garden and beyond I can't help but get frustrated with inch worms. They have enjoyed more lettuce from my garden than I ever will. And they are hard to get rid of.

Today I went out to harvest my magic purple beans and found an engorged caterpillar stuck head first in one of my beans Pooh-style. And he was stuck. This was no ordinary caterpillar either. This caterpillar was lavender, much like my beans. After some coaxing I got him out and decided to take his picture since he was such a lovely shade of violet. Then I set him loose in my neighbor's garden.

Bloggingheads

Bloggingheads.tv was started in the fall of 2005 by two journalists who had long been attracted to the idea of pontificating on TV and wondered whether the new economics of the Internet—which had already turned thousands of not-very-good writers into print pundits—could turn two not-very-telegenic people into video pundits. A tech-guy came up with a cost-effective system for creating split-screen streaming videos featuring two people in remote locations and—voilá!—the first “diavlog” was created.

Now the diavlogs have extended beyond the original creators of bloggingheads and include professors from MIT and other top rated universities, editors and contributors to the Nation, Newsweek, Mother Jones, Slate.com and more, and comedians and authors.

They discuss everything from the Olympics, to the election, to moral realism. I suggest you check it out. Click here to go to their front page.

Flex Your Brain

Olympic Logic Puzzle

Based on the following five facts, can you determine which countries win medals in a certain single Olympic event, and what medals they win? Keep in mind that there are exactly three medals given: one gold, one silver, and one bronze. Also, no country can win more than one of these medals.

1. Either Denmark will win the silver medal or England will take the bronze.
2. Denmark will win a medal only if England does not.
3. Either Argentina will win the gold medal or Brazil will win the silver.
4. If China wins a medal then Denmark will also win one.
5. Argentina will win a medal if, and only if, China wins one.

Give up? Shoot me an email and I'll send you the solution.

Another Poem

Bye For Now

Your repeated use of the phrase
at the end of emails
convinced me that we had a future
until I noticed that BBC
news readers and weather reporters
say it to sign themselves off
secure in the knowledge
that some percentage of the population
will still be there later on
even for the World Weatherview
at one o’clock in the morning
even if they’re dead in their armchairs
waiting to be discovered by the neighbours.

by Lorraine Mariner

I Got a Job!!

Yea, I got a job! I got a job! I got a job!

I'm not a bum anymore!

I was offered a full time position as a medic at AMR in Riverside County. I am a little nervous but overall quite happy. I hope that I will find more of what I am looking for out there: a wider scope, primary 911 response, rural service area, fewer firemen or at least nicer ones, and compassionate co-workers.

I start September 2.

A Promise to California

A PROMISE to California,
Or inland to the great pastoral Plains, and on to Puget sound and
Oregon;
Sojourning east a while longer, soon I travel toward you, to remain,
to teach robust American love,
For I know very well that I and robust love belong among you,
inland, and along the Western sea;
For these States tend inland and toward the Western sea, and I will
also.

--Walt Whitman

It's on till the break of dawn, bitch.

It Was Real.

Click on the photo below to visit my photo album.

Arkansas EMS Conference 2008

They say what happens at conference stays at conference, but there are some funny stories behind some of those pictures. And some nice people.

I took my most funniest and fun friend Kim with me to EMS Conference and we laughed so hard it is amazing we weren't kicked out of a few classes.

We also went to one of the old restored bath houses and learned all kinds of words that have, sadly, fallen out of style. Allow me to share a few with you:

Vitiate tr. verb 1 To impair the use or value of; debase; contaminate. 2 To render defective; impair or destroy; render inefficacious. --Vitiable adj --Vitiation noun --Viator noun.

Morbific adj. Producing disease. Also --Morbifical. --Morbifically adv.

Enfeeble tr. adv. To render feeble. See synonyms under impair. --Enfeeblement noun --Enfeebler. noun

Friends, we must take back these words. I charge you, dear Readers, with the task of working them into everyday conversation as soon as possible. Like so:

Tragically, Reinier was enfeebled by scanty fluid intake and excessive dysentery.

That suction canister once so shiny and clean, all else I notice not, nor vomitus in man's beard, nor code brown, nor odors morbific disgust me,
But the suction canister alone - that thick mucus - that green and streaked with bloody sputum - that ruin!

We debauched the young virgin fireman with wine and dancing.

The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful

Hot Springs is fabulous. Killa-K and me, H-Money, are having a blast. We're Kicking asses and taking pictures. Okay, well, we are taking pictures at least. Big ups to all my BOYZ in Arkansizzle, yo. And word to your mama.

...More to follow...

Why is Life Worth Living?

"Well, all right, why is life worth living? That's a very good question. Well, there are certain things I guess that make it worthwhile. Uh, like what? Okay. Um, for me... oh, I would say... what, Groucho Marx, to name one thing... and Willie Mays, and... the second movement of the Jupiter Symphony, and... Louie Armstrong's recording of 'Potatohead Blues'... Swedish movies, naturally... 'Sentimental Education' by Flaubert... Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra... those incredible apples and pears by Cezanne... the crabs at Sam Wo's... Tracy's face..."

That is the speech delivered by Woody Allen in the film Manhattan. Well, here are my reasons:

Arkansas EMS Conference or Explode in a Giant Fire Ball

I'm leaving for Hot Springs, Arkansas today to attend their EMS Conference. I'm bringing Killa-K (AKA Leisel) with me to learn by day and party by night. That's our motto. I'm also looking forward to seeing my good friends from Vital Link. Woo hoo! I won't probably have access to a computer while I am there, but don't you worry. I will be back next Tuesday.

-H

Post Consumed

I heard about this exhibit this morning on NPR and it piqued my interest. I'd like to check this out sometime.

Garbage is the effluent of our consumption, and it flows backwards through the landscape of Los Angeles. Unlike liquid wastes, which drain downslope to the sea, the tiny tributaries of trash, from millions of homesteads, collected by a fleet of thousands of trucks circulating in constant motion, hauling to nodes of sorting, distribution, reuse, and, finally disposal, flow up the canyons and crevices to the edge of the basin.

Hear Hear

Here are a few of the bands I'm currently listening to:

Nada Surf

Beck

The Virgins (Can't get enough of the funk.)

M.I.A.

Fleet Foxes (Scroll down Amazon's page to hear samples off their debut album. They are amazing. They sound like Simon and Garfunkel or The Byrds.)

M83 (The video for Graveyard Girl is pretty cute in a corny sort of way, though I doubt cute is what they were going for.)

Yeasayer

My Morning Jacket (I especially love "Librarian.")

The Ting Tings (She's got great attitude.)

The Decemberists

Bon Iver (He just sounds like he has a beard.)

MGMT (This one's for Sergei since he's in the solar industry, but this one is cool too.)

Electric 6 (This song is for Sergei too.)

Sigur Ros (This song is brimming with melancholy and beauty. This one sounds like what heartbreak feels like. Okay, here's a happier one.)

The Wombats (It really makes me feel like dancing.)

Vampire Weekend (I personally love any song that starts, "Who gives a fuck about..." plus the video is pretty sweet. Wes Andersonesque.)


Sonic Youth (So classic.)

The Kills (Here is one of my favorites of theirs, and a nod to Serge Gainsbourg as well.)

The Go! Team
The Futureheads


And I'm still loving:

Cold War Kids
Pavement (Okay, the song is like 15 years old but it is still great.)
Peter, Bjorn and John
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOHCmr8shWc&feature=user
Muse
The Shins
Morrisey
The Darkness

Imagining the Tenth Dimension

All You Need is Love

10 reason why gay marriage is wrong and should be illegal.

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their children, their kitchen appliances, even their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract and give legal consent.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage, or all 8 of Elizabeth Taylor's marriages, would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Dwight Crum Pier to Pier Swim Results

They finally posted my official time of 1:08:52 and my overall place of 447 out of 829. It sounds terrible, but I am pretty happy with it. For my age group 25-29 I came in 18 out of 31, and for women overall I placed 146 out of 292. They actually have me recorded as a male, so I had to email them to tell them that they were mistaken. Click here if you want to check out the results for yourself. My bib number was 840.

Gots to Make Mamamama Ma Money

A song for Mrs. Jinglepockets. Killa-K, B-Real and T-Bone know what I'm talkin about. Maybe she should start slangin' loofas. H-Money wears a blue (and green) patch on her left side; because yo, thats the EMT side. Don't forget it, and tell a friend.





Ain't no thang but a chicken wang.

I love the World

Where the Hell is Matt?

This guy has one sweet gig. He decided he wanted to see the world and, due to his unique dance, eventually found a sponsor to support his travelling habit.

Visit Where the Hell is Matt? and be sure to check out the videos.

The Literal Fruits of my Labor

Earlier this summer I decided I wanted a garden. I've never tried to grow a garden before because I've never really been able to keep any plant alive. My thumb is as brown as whatever you can think of that is brown. Still, I really wanted a garden. So, I decided to plant zucchinis, dixie squash, cucumbers, cantaloupe, broccoli, cauliflower, lettuce and purple beans (like green beans). I sewed the seeds indoors and let them grow to little sprouts before turning them loose in the arid and hostile wasteland that is my backyard. After much watering and coaxing and weeding and diligent chasing off of pestilent creatures the backyard has become a verdant oasis. Okay, that is a bit of a stretcher. But, it has finally produced some magic beans which turn green when cooked. There were three beans to be exact, which I shared with Sergei and Alexis (my little sis).

Victory!

I did the Dwight Crum 2 mile Pier to Pier swim this morning and am happy to report that I did PR. Official times haven't been posted yet, but I know it's 1:08 something. So, about a minute better than last time. Yea!

This is the first time the race has used timing chips. We were given little anklets to wear that looked like the throwaway bracelets that lets you ride all the rides at the fair. The good was that we didn't have to give them back, so there was no worrying about losing them and having to fork over $20. The bad was that each and every swimmer that I saw after the race had a red badge of courage on their ankle from the repeated slicing of the sharp plastic. Ouch.

The waves weren't any better this year than last by the way. I didn't let them slow me down though. Last time I actually stopped swimming and treaded water at the end of the pier and chatted with the life guard about saving me, but this time I figured stopping wasn't going to make them go away. I was watching the pillars of the pier to see where abouts they were crashing so I could know when to start freaking out when all of a sudden I was overtaken by a massive fuck off wave. MASSIVE fuck off. It pushed me forward about 50 yards and held me under. I thought I was a gonner. My stream of consciousness went something like this, "damn, I knew this was going to happen. This is really freakin scary. I think I am actually going to die here. How bizarre to die at the finish line." Then it suddenly let go of me and I got a breath and finished the race. And I PRed!!

Then Sergei and I went to Nick's in Seal Beach and split a breakfast burrito. Yum.

The Great Pier to Pier Dwight Crum Swim

The presence of your good thoughts are requested tomorrow morning at 9am Pacific time. That is when I shall embark upon my 2 mile rough water swim from the south side of the Hermosa Beach Pier to the north side of the Manhattan Beach Pier.

I did it in 2006 in 1:09:30.57 and hope to beat that time. Part of that will depend on current and water conditions, of course. I am hesistant to say that it truly could not be worse than in 2006 when the waves grew to immense proportions during the race, because I know things can always be worse. Last time I swam to end of the pier, the home stretch, and asked a lifeguard to rescue me. Thankfully she declined and so I was not DQed.

I'll post my results tomorrow.

Here is the Surf Festival's website.

It's been a while

Yeah, so it's been a while. I am still training for the triathlon, but I am training alone. No worries. Two guys at work have told me that they intend to do triathlons in the future, just not PCT. So, I it wasn't all for naught.

Anyhoo, while I may continue to post random nuggets of tri goodness, The Carpe Diem Diaries will settle back down to reporting on the things that make life good: good books, good times, good food, good conversation.

On that note, I have added a new feature to CDD, which is All Consuming (in the margin). All Consuming is a website designed to catalog, share and receive suggestions for books, music, movies, food and gadgets. I'm not trying to advocate consumerism here. Still, who hasn't been consumed by a great novel, an enchanting song or a whimsical movie? Hopefully All Consuming is a tool that will help me find more Life Aquatics, Con Almas, tentation apples and Kitchens.

Where do you get your fake news?

Why I am voting NO on Prop 8

On Novmeber 4 Californians will be voting on Proposition 8. Prop 8 "changes California Constitution to eliminate right of same-sex couples to marry. Provides that only a marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."

If Prop 8 succeeds and same sex marriage is banned California's Constitution will single out a specific group of people and deny them basic freedoms and rights enjoyed by everyone else, namely the freedom to choose whom one loves and marries. Equal protection under the law is fundamental to American society, not just to California.

There is a difference between a domestic partnership and a marriage. Perhaps the most significant difference is that many people don't know what a domestic partnership is, much less how is differs from a marriage. On the other hand, with very few exceptions, every American understands what marriage is as well as the personal, legal and societal ramifications attached to the institution. It is separate but not equal.

I also find it repugnant that certain people feel compelled to impose their will on other people. This is not the American way. From freedom of religion, to freedom of speech, to the free market, the United States is a nation founded on individual freedom. We all have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, no matter which direction that pursuit takes us. So how is it that some people, who happen to be straight, feel they can limit the rights of others who are not?

Dana Parsons wrote in the LA Times in regards to the moral argument against gay marriage that religious folk "turn immutably steadfast in their certainty that homosexuality is a sin and that condoning gay marriage is an apostasy. Easy solution. If gay marriage is against God's will, let him handle the punishment. Why should mere mortals be the ones dispensing the judgment?"

Vow to vote no on Proposition 8 in November.

Click here to read Dana Parson's entire article.
Click here to visit the Vote No On Prop 8 website.

RIP BPP

Waaah. :-( I mean, GRRRRR. I am still in the anger stage.

More Adventures with Kim

To check out our art click on the picture.

Carpe Diem's First Poll

You may not have noticed that in the upper right hand corner there is poll posing the question are you doing PCT? See it now? It kind of blends in.

Anyway, be a sport and take the three seconds it will take you to fill in a bubble and submit your answer. I haven't gotten any feedback yet so I am left to believe that I'm in this alone! I'd so love to have a handful of people to train with. A big gaggle would be better, but I don't want to get greedy.

Not the brightest crayon....

You have to read this article from the Orange County Register. You will laugh. Or, at lest you should. Stupidity is hilarious. Annoying, yes, but also hilarious.

Our Training Schedule

The training schedule is given in a Monday through Sunday format with Mondays off. It goes for twelve weeks, beginning TODAY and includes two recovery weeks and a taper week leading up to the race on Sunday September 7th. This schedule is not intended to be set in stone, obviously, but to be used as a guideline.

If you work a 24 hour car or have classes all day, swimming may not be an option for you on those days. Instead, juggle your workouts to suit your needs. For example, I will be using Sunday as my recovery day and so I will swim Monday and so on.

Traditionally, workouts repeat in a swim-bike-run pattern since that is how the races proceed. Plus, a swim workout the day after a hard run is pretty nice. But, there is no reason why you have to always stick to that order if it doesn't work for you.

The most important thing when training for any event is CONSISTENCY, and to be consistent you must have a schedule that works for you, and that you enjoy.

Here is the training schedule, and it can also be found on the right under FYI.

Roll Call!

Okay, so training officially begins tomorrow. Who's with me? If you plan on training for and/or completing the PCT, please leave a comment here or shoot me an email.

Holly's Top Ten

I know it's only been about a week since I put up posters at the stations, and although I have heard a few people express interest, no one has really committed to training for the Pacific Coast Triathlon (that I know of). This post is not to try to coerce you into doing something you don't want to do. But, if you are even remotely interested, I am hoping to talk you into giving it a try, at least the training part.

Here are the top ten reasons I think you SHOULD give it a TRI:

1. Cross training is an excellent way to get in shape fast.

2. Already in shape? It'll help prevent injury by conditioning different muscle groups. And, because you are using different muscle groups it will allow you to work harder more often so you can take your work outs to the next level.

3. Do something different. It'll help prevent burn out.

4. Bragging rights

5. Challenge = Motivation

6. Training with other people is fun (even if we don't physically train together).

7. It'll give you an excuse to spend time outside and in the water this summer.

8. Competition

9. Regular exercise increases energy, improves mood, clears you mind and helps you sleep. What more do you want?

10. Hey, I did it. So can you! Trust me. And it is completely worth it.

Pacific Coast Triathlon 2006

Pacific Coast Triathlon 2007

FREE Open Water Swim Clinic

I repeat: FREE. This is a great opportunity for anyone interested in doing a triathlon. Learn what you need to know about open water swimming and get a personalized analysis of your swim. I will be there so if you register let me know!

FREE Open Water Swim Clinic
Saturnday, June 21st, 8 am
Belmont Veterans Memorial Pier in Long Beach

The clinic begins at 8:00am and will run until 9:30am. This clinic will be both in and out of the water, so come prepared to swim.

Click here to register for the FREE clinic.

The Swim clinic will be hosted by Steven Munatones (www.10Kswim.com), a USA Swimming National Team open water coach, the 1982 world open water swimming champion and an inductee in the International Marathon Swimming Hall of Fame who started his own swimming career in the waters of Naples Island.
The FREE Open Water Swim clinic is open to people of all ages, backgrounds and abilities. The clinic will provide a wealth of information for those who want to try something new and for those who want to enhance their competitiveness for the Pacific Open Water Challenge and other open water races or triathlons.

Steven will cover the key elements of open water racing, including The Start, Navigation in Open Water, Race Strategies, Feeding (including Gel Pack Placement and Preparation), Buoy Turns and The Finish. In-the-water demonstrations of all elements will be explained. Free samples of the latest nutrition option for endurance athletes, will be offered to all participants.

Each participant will also receive a free Individual Swim Analysis Report - that is the same kind of report that America's Olympic open water athletes receive.

Who Says Stats Can't be Fun?

I came across this site called Understanding USA that gives a lot of interesting statistics on Americans' lifestyles and culture. Pretty neat stuff.

What's in a Name?

Does anyone have any ideas for a name for our club? We could do something work related, like "The Fierce 1s", or something completely different like "TRIumph the Insult Comic EMTs," or whatever.

Suggestions? Leave me some feedback! We'll have a vote.

Official Welcome

This is the unofficial Medic-1 triathlon club site, hosted by myself, the one and only H-Money (big ups to Killa-K for christening me).

Okay, but seriously. The purpose of this blog is to give you the information you need to help you train for and complete a sprint distance triathlon. It will also enable you to give me feedback about what you like, don't like, what you want to see more of, what you want less of, et cetera. Comments? Questions? You can contact me by leaving feedback to a post or emailing me directly.

I will try to post new info five or six days a week. Beginning June 16th, official day one of our training, the posts will most likely include the training schedule for the day as well as other pertinent information.

You can find links to the Pacific Coast Triathlon, our training schedule and other important sites in the right hand column.

As you may have noticed, I have already posted some information for those new to competitive swimming. For many people this is the leg of race that is the most intimidating or challenging. I am a swimmer, so you may feel like the information posted here is a bit unfairly skewed toward the water portion of the race. Sorry. I'll do my best to keep it balanced.

Enough for now. Don't forget to check back here for updates!

Wow, Free Books?

Think it's too good to be true? Think again. WOWIO!

Swimming Turns

On race day the only turn you have to worry about is rounding the last buoy. However, swimming laps in the pool while training for the race is another story. Each time you come to the wall you will need to do one of two turns. The open turn is easy to master but slow. The flip turn is faster but takes some practice.

To do an open turn approach the wall, reach out with your leading hand, swivel your feet toward the wall while your head moves toward the lane (trailing arm is now leading arm), push off the wall with your feet.

The first thirty seconds of this video show the open turn well (they call it "One Hand Side Turn").



If you decide to use flip turns don't use the wall when you first start practicing. Instead practice in the middle of the lane and simply go through the motions of the half somersault with a dolphin kick. Once you feel comfortable with that move to the wall. Here is a page that gives detailed instructions with pictures. And below is a video that does a great job of breaking down the flip turn.

Swimming Drills

For those new to competitive swimming, drills are modifications to the freestyle stroke which help you hone your technique and become a more efficient swimmer. Most swimming regimens, including the one we are using from Runner's World, incorporate drills into their training routines.

The following are instructions for some common drills, and there is also a link to a short two minute instructional video.

Catch-up: Swum like regular freestyle, except one arm is stationary, always extended forward (front arm), pointing towards the destination, while the other arm performs the stroke (working arm). When the working arm moves forward and "catches-up" with the stationary arm, they change places. Purpose: improve long stroke and long body position (be streamline).

Fingertip Drag: Swum like regular freestyle, except your fingertips never leave the water as your arm moves forward during the stroke recovery (bringing your arm from your hip to the front). Drag your fingers forward through the water, slightly off to the side of your body. Purpose: practice keeping your elbows bent and high during recovery (NO STRAIGHT ARMS!).

10/10: This looks like regular freestyle in very slow-motion. One arm is extended forward, pointing towards your destination (front hand). The other is backwards, pointing towards where you just left (back hand), with the arm resting against the edge of your body, hand by your hip. You should be on your side, with the back hand side of your body up, the front hand side of your body down (towards the bottom of the pool).Take 10 kicks, then stroke, so that your body rolls and your hands switch places. Repeat every ten kicks. Purpose: practice good body roll (really swim on your side).

Fist: Swum like regular freestyle, except you hold both of your hands in a fist while stroking. When you are clenched, you should press on the water with the inside (palm side) of your forearm - think of the lower arm, from elbow to wrist, as an extension of your hand. When you unclench your hand, you should notice a difference in pressure on your hand (your hand should feel like a paddle) - use this feeling to keep your hand holding water as you move through your pull pattern. Purpose: get a feel for the water and how to maximize pull through it.

One-arm: Swum like regular freestyle, except only one arm is moving. Keep one arm stationary, either forward (front hand) or backwards, against your side (back hand). The moving hand works for one lap, then switches for the next lap. Be sure to practice this drill with the stationary arm in both positions. Purpose: focus on improving one arm at a time.

Watch the video.

I Made it to the Top

Sergei, my dad, my little sister Alex and I all went to Yosemite this weekend to hike Half Dome. It was my second and a half time (the half time was when my dad and I got to the saddle and he chickened out, though he doesn't remember this-- in his defense he has made it to the top twice since then).

Why Not Tri?

Welcome to the first TRI post at Carpe Diem. This is where I will be posting work out schedules, links to helpful sites, information regarding group workouts, etc. I will try to keep posts short and concise, but anyone who has had to read one of my narratives knows that it is going to be really hard for me.

First of, what is a triathlon? Briefly, it is a race that involves swimming, cycling and running (generally in that order). There are different lengths ranging from sprint to Olympic to Ironman. I will be focusing mainly on the sprint distance which is roughly a half mile swim, 12 miles on your bike and a 3 mile run. This is so do-able that if you even think you might be interested I encourage you to give it a try. Trust me, I have done two, and I am no Ironman.

There is a great SPRINT tri in beautiful Crystal Cove on Sunday, September 7th. That gives us a little more than twelve weeks of training which should be plenty to get us there. The race is called the Pacific Coast Triathlon and it has a special division for fire/EMS/PD/military. Click here to visit PCT's site.

If you are interested in participating but are put off by one or more of the activities, consider putting together a relay team and focusing instead on what you are best at, be it swimming, cycling or running.

And finally, here is a link to the schedule. Week One starts June 16th, so get ready!!

Reach and Pull: Proper Freestyle Technique

Many new triathletes find swimming to be either the most challenging or the most intimidating leg of the race, but it doesn't have to be. Swimming is all about technique. In order to maximize efficiency and economy in the water good technique is a must. If you are new to competitive swimming forget speed and instead focus on the following:


The five elements of proper freestyle technique

1. Body Position. The optimal body position is to float high in the water, as this minimizes drag. Beginners tend to allow their hips and legs to sink. To avoid this error, concentrate on pushing your chest toward the bottom of the pool. This will naturally cause your hips and legs to rise.
2. Rotation. By rotating your body from side to side with each stroke, you can slice through the water with less drag. As you extend your leading arm ahead of you, rotate your body from the hips about 60 degrees toward the opposite side (as though you're plucking an item off a high shelf). Keep your neck and head neutral.
3. Arm Cycle. Your leading hand should enter the water about a foot in front of your shoulder. Once you've reached full extension with your leading arm, rotate your shoulder and elbow so that your hand and forearm form a single "paddle" that pulls back toward your feet. Your hand should exit the water next to your upper thigh. Your arms are always at opposite points of the arm cycle, so when one hand is entering the water, the other is leaving it.
4. Kick. Kicking too hard creates more drag than it does propulsion, so swim with a tight, "flicking" kick that uses minimal energy. "Imagine you're kicking a soccer ball gently with the top of your foot," says Roch Frey, who coaches triathletes through multisports.com. Kick twice with each leg for each stroke.
5. Breathing. Turn your head to the side and inhale when your leading arm hits full extension, then turn your head toward the bottom of the pool and exhale. Inhale on one side every second or fourth stroke, or on alternating sides every third stroke.

Still in the dark? Check out this three minute video:



Click here to see more. And more.

I also recommend enrolling in an open water swim clinic before the race, even if you are a strong swimmer. I did one before my first triathlon because I was nervous about swimming in the ocean and it made me much more confident in my abilities, plus it was great practice. Here is a link to the official PCT clinic (the one I took).